Introduction

I have been wanting to write a post about loss for a very long time now, but I was inspired to put pen to paper this week, after a visit to my Sister in Yorkshire very recently, and a conversation with himself indoors just this week.

For me, it brought home the fact that deep loss and grief, doesn’t have to be about a person dying who you love which is incredibly sad and life changing, but it can be loss about many other aspects of your life to which you are deeply attached, and for whatever reason is no longer there in your day to day daily life and activities.

For me, these reflections helped me to understand a little better than I did before what loss in all its forms really feels like and how it has affected me over the past few years.(although I thought I had a good grasp on grief and loss from my specialist council training as a social worker)

I hope that in sharing this, that you too may feel and increased insight into any loss or grief that you are experiencing at the moment, and maybe just maybe give you some light at the end of what seems a very long tunnel when you are travelling through it.

When We Lose Something Beyond a Person

Loss isn’t always about death. Sometimes it’s the end of a career you loved, the collapse of a business you built from scratch, the friendship that quietly faded, or the life you thought you’d be living by now.

These moments often go unnoticed by others—no flowers, no casseroles, no comforting words. But inside, you feel the same deep ache of something precious slipping away. It changes how you see yourself, how you trust the world, and sometimes, how you find your place in it.

Loss—of any kind—isn’t just about what’s gone. It’s about how we learn to live in the space that remains.

How We View Loss Matters

Our first instinct is usually to resist loss. We want to fix it, rewind it, or pretend it’s temporary. But the truth is, how you view loss shapes everything that follows.

If you see it only as failure, you’ll stay stuck in shame and self-blame. But if you can begin—slowly—to see it as part of the human experience, as a moment that invites reflection and growth, something shifts inside you.

Think of loss as a turning point rather than a final end. You don’t have to like it (who does?), but acknowledging that it has something to teach may open a door. Maybe it’s teaching resilience. Maybe patience. Maybe it’s asking you to redefine what really matters.

When we lose something dear—like our ‘youth’ as we age, financial security that we may have spent a lifetime trying to build, or our professional identity takes a nosedive when we are made redundant, it forces us to look at what’s underneath. We discover how much of our self-worth was tied to our perceived youth and usefulness, that job title, that paycheck, that relationship. It’s not an easy truth to face, but it’s a powerful one.

How We Respond Initially to That Loss

Let’s be honest: the first response to loss is rarely graceful. It’s raw, confusing, and sometimes messy. You might deny it—“It’s fine, I’ll bounce back.” Or feel angry—“This shouldn’t have happened to me.” Maybe for some of us we just go numb.

And that’s okay, I know that now. There’s no “right” way to react when the rug gets pulled out from under you.

What matters is giving ourselves permission to feel what’s actually happening. The pressure to “move on quickly” or “stay positive” from other well meaning souls can do more harm than good. For me I have learned to allow my tears to fall, the silence, the in-between moments where you don’t know what to do next be a time of self love and try to journey through this period with patience, knowing for sure that in the natural order of things nothing lasts for ever. There is always a point of renewal a change.

Your emotions are not the problem—they’re the map. They’re pointing you toward what truly hurts, and that’s where healing begins.

Some people journal. Others talk it through with friends or find comfort in solitude. You might throw yourself into something creative or physical just to release what words can’t. Whatever form it takes, expressing your loss is not weakness—it’s strength. It’s how your heart starts to breathe again.

How We Work Through and Gain New Perspectives for the Future

Working through loss isn’t about forgetting what happened. It’s about slowly integrating it into our life story.

I like to think of it as learning to walk with a slight temporary limp (as though you sprained your ankle)—you still move forward, but differently than before. The loss becomes part of our very balance, part of how we see and understand the world at that time.

At first, we might only see what’s missing, (over the years in periods of great loss, I have felt this so strongly). Over time, though, small moments begin to return, for example laughing at a TV program, connection, curiosity about whats happening in the world around you, maybe even gratitude. We begin to see that life didn’t end when maybe our relationship or job ended, or indeed when our plans for the future that we spent so much time on -just fell apart. No, I have learned it became just a change in direction.

This stage of our loss and subsequent grief often involves reflection and redefining.

WE might ask ourselves:

• What did that job, dream, or younger identity/role mean to me?

• What parts of it do I still want in my life, in some new form?

• What values carried me through that experience that I can still rely on now?

Loss strips away the ‘never ending stuff’ that surrounds us on a daily basis, and leaves us only with what’s real. It can bring unexpected clarity. Maybe we discover that our identity was never just our career—it was our creativity, our discipline, our ability to connect with others. It was the real ‘ME’ We begin to realise that the real stuff that we have humanly built on over the years are still there even if the circumstances change.

Sometimes, gaining new perspective also means learning to accept help. Letting people in when you’d rather isolate yourself.(I am a Cancer - the Crab and have a hard shell which I retreat into when the going gets tough…) Or forgiving yourself for not having all the answers. Growth on a personal level begins to look a lot less like triumph and more like tenderness as you learn to nurture and care for your inner self.

I also remember from my old Social Work days and my training that healing isn’t linear. We’ll all have good days and days where the weight of what’s gone before us hits us all over again. I really feel that it doesn’t mean we’re going backward -It means we’re human.

The Outcome of Our Journey Through Loss

Eventually, something shifts. We wake up one morning and realise we’re not as defined by what we have lost anymore. The grief is still there, but softer—woven into who we are rather than standing in front of us ranting and shouting in our face.

We start to notice possibilities again. Maybe that new opportunity that suddenly came out of nowhere feels less terrifying and more exciting. Maybe we can find beauty in small things that in life’s busyness in the past we used to overlook. Maybe we finally understand that peace doesn’t come from getting everything back (it can never be the same again)—because for me real peace comes from making meaning out of what’s left and the life I have going forward.

The outcome of loss and our grief journey isn’t always dramatic. For me, I have often found it means a quiet strength that I can almost palpably feel. A steadier heartbeat when you lie by yourself in a quiet moment and listen to the beat as it blends with nature or a deeper empathy for others walking their own invisible roads of grief.

You might even become someone who can say to another person, “I know what it’s like to lose something dear—and I know, you’ll find your way again.” (What we are really saying is not only have we walked in your shoes - but we have felt the corns on your feet)

That kind of wisdom, empathy + and listening to another in order to understand - and not just respond can’t be taught; it’s earned through the cracks and the rebuilding.

Final Thoughts from Me to You

Loss—whether of a loved one, a job, health, or a way of life—is one of life’s greatest equalisers. It reminds us all that nothing is permanent, but also that we are endlessly adaptable and flexible to meet whatever challenges we have to face in our daily lives.

Loss I have learned is that we don’t have to rush our way through it. We need to sit with it - to learn from it.

Our loss and the grief we feel requires us to understand our need to reshape our perspective gently.

Loss is not about erasing our past, but about enriching it with a meaning and an understanding that we never would experience had we not gone through that loss.

In time, loss can become a quiet teacher. It didn’t take away my pain, but it did reveal a strength and resilience I may never have known I had, and for that I am so grateful that I can carry on and look to the future with hope afresh.

And maybe, just maybe, it can open the door to a version of life that—while different—is still deeply, beautifully yours.

Yours in friendship as always.

Hi from me - Travelgran

Today I am looking at what the major three areas that you need (definitely a need and not a want…) to do your homework on before you book that glossy advertised cruise that looks sooooo good!

When you first look at an advert for a cruise, it may be on a Facebook page that you follow, or you may be searching the internet and looking at different cruise companies, because your best friend who has done lots of cruising says its the best holiday option ever.

The street of Panama Hats - in Panama itself

MARKETING

All the ads have one thing in common and we need to have this first and uppermost in our minds as we take in those lovely visuals and which result in giving us great big ‘dopamine hits’.

I know that for many of you, a cruise is a considered holiday purchase, but even hardened travellers who have been travelling for many years are not immune to the wonderful marketing that happens in the cruise industry in order to get us to part with our money.

The reality is what we have going on in our minds is always the 100% hopes and dreams of what we would like and expect, but needless to say the actual offer and resulting experience can be somewhat different. This is because we are human we are all different and make different assumptions about what we read and see. So we cannot blame dodgy marketing for all our woes can we?

I am, according to my better half - a marketers dream for individuals who engage in impulse purchasing. Especially when it comes to small items and gadgetry!

For larger items, I do try to cover my bases, and have realistic expectations by toning down some of my internal expectations when I compare the price the companies are charging, and the cruise/destinations they are offering. That’s the basic stuff, but sometimes even the basic stuff gets overridden by the urge to keep on having and anticipating further pleasure dopamine hits once we have booked and are on the cruise itself. we have an ‘internal dialogue’ with ourselves saying how great this is going to be and emphasising all the experiences we will have which are accompanied by our own mental images with ourselves pictured in the settings of the lovely advert photos…

We need to start then with some of the very basic stuff I look at when considering what looks like a bargain, but I need to book quickly or it will sell out (or so the cruise companies and agents tell us and I am sorry to bring this part back down to reality and deflate the bubble a bit!)

Itinerary, Safety & Logistics

• Cruise itinerary: Look carefully at the ports of call, length of time in each, and whether they match your interests (e.g., cultural cities, nature excursions, or remote destinations like the Amazon or Patagonia).

Does the cruise offered definitely take you to the places you want to visit, for the length of time you want to visit, or have you been to some of the ports before? Does it offer good value for the number of ports visited compared with the actual cruise price? (Sometimes, if there are a lot of sea days and relatively few port stops this is cheaper for the cruise line to operate).

• Flights & transfers: Research the most efficient flight routes. For the USA, South America, and other longhaul destinations. You may have multiple connections—check if the cruise line offers inclusive “fly-cruise” packages or if booking flights independently is cheaper.

What are the flights with the packages? cruise lines usually block book flights at times that no one else wants, and can be indirect which means more travelling time and layover time in airports.

Maybe you are not a confident worldwide traveller and prefer to have everything in one package including the transfers and just don’t want the hassle that’s OK isn’t it? YES it is - but it is always wise to checkout the flight timings, layovers, and estimated time of flights on each leg. That way you will know exactly just how much time you will be travelling for both on the outward and inward bound journeys. You will also want to know about night flights and changeovers. Solo travellers have to be responsible for everything whilst travelling, and dragging your luggage to the loo with you can be pretty exhausting. (these are just the little things that we never seem to figure in!)

• Safety for solo travellers: Review port advisories, onboard safety protocols, and passenger demographics (some lines attract more solo travellers than others). Check if the cruise offers escorted shore excursions—these can feel safer and more relaxed than independent tours.

What are the cost of the ship’s excursions and do they offer value for money? If expensive can you book trips independently if you are confident to do so, or find a buddy to share costs with?

Safety - definitely a major consideration for a solo traveller and even more so if you are a mature female. Some ports I have no problem and feel perfectly safe wandering about on my own in the port and nearby town area. Others, I would not leave the ship unless I was on a ships excursion. Well maybe I might if I was with a group of say 2 or 3 other solo’s and we were exploring together. Even then, its worth checking out port advisories, and related petty crime rates.

Do not take your IPAD with you to take photos with. This is a definite no no, even if a Country is deemed safe. Petty criminals abound and IPADS can be snatched in a second by a proficient mini scooter rider or young individual who can run faster than you… If you have your phone that you take photos with - consider getting one of those Lanyards that go around your neck and attach to the phone through the bottom your phone case. Cheap solution, but could save you hundreds of pounds and loss of your precious information that is carried on the phone.

I didn’t want to finish this post on a negative note, so I am going to say that all the information I have given here is to give you power and options! Being informed, and being forewarned is the best scenario possible to ensure that you are getting the holiday that you want, and is the best possible specification for you.

If you have checked out the various points above against a cruise advert you have seen recently and knowing what you know and it comes out with positive vibes, then that’s great. Go ahead in confidence knowing that you have done your homework.

On the other hand, if after doing your homework and there are some compromises to be had in what you had originally thought and what is likely to happen, then maybe some more research into other areas will finally provide insight into whether you book or not. If not, you will always know that you have saved yourself from making a costly mistake.

In Part Two of this blog I will be looking at add on packages like drink and wi fi and excursion contributions as well as prepaying gratuities. So look out for that one shortly.

In the meantime, in friendship and fun to all my female solo and not solo travelling friends and family, enjoy, and keep on travelling!

Paperwork Check & Coordination: The Not-So-Fun but Super Important Bit

Before you start dreaming of fruity drinks and poolside naps, do a serious paperwork check.

First up: passports. Make sure yours isn’t expiring within six months of your travel date, or you might get turned away before you even set sail (seriously).

Then there’s the cruise boarding pass, health declarations (some still ask for these), and check in advance if visas or travel permits are required for the countries you are visiting.

Pro tip: Print everything and also take screenshots. Internet access always throws a wobbly when you need it most.

Preparation & Packing: Aka The Battle of the Overpackers

Packing for a cruise is like trying to predict the mood swings of the ocean—one minute it’s sunny, next minute you’re in a wind tunnel. The trick is layers, and clothing you can mix and match. don’t forget a small carry-on for your embarkation day; your luggage might not arrive at your cabin until later.

Cruise cabins are not exactly spacious, so packing cubes are your new best friend. Also, don’t forget a power strip (non-surge protected ones are usually allowed), or block adaptors that have USB ports to charge phones, ipads etc.

Medications and pharmacy are number one on your essential packing list. Do this first and get all meds organised and into your first aid bag. Even if you’ve got an iron stomach, consider the possibility you may need motion sickness tablets or bands. After more than 25 years of cruising, I have used them around 2/3 times, but I still pack them.

Transport: The Scariest Part of the Journey

The cruise ship will not wait for you. I repeat: it. will. not. wait. So please, if you’re flying to your embarkation point arrive a day early. It might cost a bit more for the hotel, but it’s worth it for peace of mind. Book transport to the terminal ahead of time—don’t rely on finding a random taxi the morning of embarkation. If this is your first cruise, it may be better if you buy a package including flights hotels and transfers etc. It may cost a little more, but you have peace of mind for your first cruise adventure.

Clothing: Swimsuits, Sandals, and That One Fancy Outfit

Cruise life is all about comfort during the day—think sundresses, shorts, flip flops—but most ships have at least one formal night so something nice, to wear for the Captains Gala or dress to impress night. Pashminas I have found are excellent for keeping the chill off in a cool air conditioned theatre or out on deck.

Choosing & Organising Excursions: So Many Options, So Little Time

This is where the fun begins! Look through the excursions offered by the cruise line, but also check out third-party ones—they’re often cheaper and more personalized. Book early though; the popular ones sell out fast.

Try to mix active days (with excursions) with chill ones (beach, spa) so you don’t wear yourself out. And whatever you do, make sure you’re back before the ship leaves port. That “left behind” YouTube video could be about you!

Bon Voyage!

Once you’re finally on board, cocktail in hand, you’ll forget all the madness that went into getting there. Cruises are the perfect blend of adventure and relaxation—just make sure you pack with a little prep and patience and don’t forget your flip-flops.

Where is your next cruise adventure?

Let’s be honest though—getting to that blissful moment takes a bit of prep. So, if you're gearing up for your own sea-bound adventure or thinking of planning one, here’s a behind-the-scenes peek at the pre-cruise madness I go through every time (and some helpful tips I wish I’d had before my first one).

Paperwork Check & Coordination: The Not-So-Fun but Super Important Bit

Before you start dreaming of cool drinks and poolside naps, do a serious paperwork check.

1. First up: passports. Make sure yours isn’t expiring within six months of your travel date, or you might get turned away before you even set sail (seriously).

2. Then there’s the cruise boarding pass, health declarations (some still ask for these), and visas if you’re stopping in certain countries.

Pro tip: Print everything and also take screenshots. Internet access can let you down just when you need it most.

The Battle of the Overpackers

Packing for a cruise is like trying to predict the mood swings of the ocean—one minute it’s sunny, next minute you’re in a wind tunnel. The trick is layers, hot or cold destinations it doesn’t matter.

You also need a small carry-on for your embarkation day because your luggage might not arrive at your cabin until later. Pack your swimsuit in that bag so you can hit the pool straight away and chill with that cool drink (if it’s cold have a coffee and take yourself on a ship’s tour to get your bearings!).

Cruise cabins are not exactly spacious; I use packing cubes and have done for years. You don’t even have to unpack them just put them in the drawers as they are. Helps with repacking too. Take a power strip or an international adaptor that has USB sockets for your tech (non-surge protected ones are usually allowed).

Other essentials are sunscreen, meds, and—trust me on this—anti-nausea tablets. Even if you’ve got an iron stomach, those first few hours can be... interesting. I have been cruising over 25 years and in that time I have used them 3/4 times but boy was I glad I packed them during those times.

Transport: The Scariest Part of the Journey

The cruise ship will not wait for you. I repeat: it. will. not. wait. So please, if you're flying in, arrive a day early. It might cost a bit more for the hotel, but it’s worth it for peace of mind. Book transport to the terminal ahead of time—don't rely on finding a random taxi the morning of embarkation. That kind of stress is not what you want for the first day of your holiday. If you can, and for your first trip try and buy a package with flights and transfers, then all the worry of travel is taken from you.

Clothing: Swimsuits, Sandals, and That One Fancy Outfit

Cruise life is all about comfort during the day—think sundresses, shorts, flip flops—but most ships have at least one formal night. A nice dress or separates that you can mix and match for evenings again is very versatile.

Choosing & Organising Excursions: So Many Options, So Little Time

This is where the fun begins! Look through the excursions offered by the cruise line, but also check out third-party ones—they’re often cheaper and more personalized. Book early though; the popular ones sell out fast.

Try to mix active days (excursions) with chill ones (relax by the pool) so you don’t wear yourself out. And whatever you do, make sure you're back before the ship leaves port. That "left behind" YouTube video could be about you!

Bon Voyage!

Once you're finally on board, your first cocktail in hand, you’ll forget all the madness that went into getting there. Cruises are the perfect blend of adventure and relaxation—just make sure you pack with a little prep and patience and don’t forget your flip-flops.

Now go chase that horizon! Where are you going next?

Yup! - I am a real Gran, (I have five adorable munchkins 12 years and under!) and I wanted to create a fun, but helping resource for all mature solo travellers.

You may choose to travel solo, or you may have recently lost a partner, husband, wife, significant other. You may be new to solo travel, if so, this blog will provide insights, and hopefully inspiration for how you can begin your own solo travel journey.

Or are you an experienced solo traveller? then like me you love to share your stories and learn from others about how you can widen your global horizons! Do get in touch via the Notes Section. Maybe we can do Podcast collaboration?

You can expect to receive one or two posts a week from me, possibly more short videos as well when I am actually on my travels, so that you can see in real time what the travel highs and lows might be.

My posts, will be a mixture of the written word, video, and podcasts when I am back home. I also hope to partner with other solo travel bloggers and feature them on my podcasts too.

Mature solo travellers are my most central audience, but that doesn’t exclude younger solo adventurers - because you know you can learn quite a bit from your old gran!

I will also be getting Interviews and personal thoughts from solo travellers about their adventures as we meet up on my travels about the places they have visited, methods of transport they use, and booking styles the prefer (independent, group tours, cruises, land based packages) all of which are part of the fun discussion, with the aim of teasing out what really works for mature solo travellers.

I recently did a Panama Canal Cruise that I will be blogging about in the near future, and this photo is one of my favourites from that cruise. Why? not because it is the most excellent photo on the planet, but because the round house in the photo is situate on land which houses the oldest hotel in Acapulco. Los Flamingos.

That house was owned and lived in by Johnny Weissmuller who was the original ‘Tarzan’. The hotel in its heyday of the 40,’s 50’s and 60’s was frequented by many famous movie stars and A Listers of the day.

Lots more photos - but that deserves another post for sure!

Does what I have outlined above seem like something you would be interested in?

Yes - then like and subscribe to my future postings. It is completely free and won’t cost you a single penny.

Substack being Substack, you only get real people talking about real stuff. People who genuinely are interested in building a community and having great interaction with that community.